A Very Silly Mother's Day
by mcfassavoy
Summary: The gang head over to casa del Stark for some Mother's Day festivities. But something is amiss. WARNING: STORY GETS REALLY SILLY REALLY FAST. 200% SILLINESS GUARANTEED. NOTHING SERIOUS HERE. NO SIREE.


It wasn't happening. Not today. Clint had bigger plans on his mind, than having to face the _green guy_, at eight in the morning, on a Sunday, of all days. It was supposed to be his day off.

"L-look Bruce, I didn't touch them, I swear, ask Nat! I was sleeping! I just woke up!" He looked down, pointing at his Scooby-Doo boxers. It wasn't working. Bruce was turning blue green already. _Shit_, he thought. _Not today, please, not today._

And then Clint Barton did something he never thought he would do. He planted a big fat kiss on the enraged Banner's cheek.

It seemed to work. Normal colour returned to his cheeks. His facial features returned to their relaxed, benign state, as it began to dawn on Bruce what had just transpired.

"I am so, _so _sorry," said Bruce looking extremely apologetic.

"It's okay," said Clint, still shaken and half out of breath. Just then, Natasha walked in.

"Uh guys," she said, "I heard a noise, what's going on?" She looked from one to the other asking for an explanation, because here was Clint standing bare chested and in Scooby-Doo boxers, holding Bruce by the shoulders.

"It's - it's all my fault Natasha-," Bruce began to explain.

"The cookies are gone," Clint explained, still as puzzled as ever.

"What?" said Natasha, rubbing her eyes from the sleep, confused and incredulous.

"I was baking cookies and-and-" suddenly, Bruce Banner burst into tears. Clint gave Natasha a _What the hell is up with this guy? _look, and awkwardly embraced him.

"Dude, are you okay?" asked Clint.

Natasha came over too and all three of them embraced in a big group hug.

"It's okay Bruce, it's okay," she said. She had never seen him like this. What was up with him? Just then, Natasha connected the dots and everything became clear- Mother's Day, Bruce's own murdered mother - and it all fit. No wonder he was extra emotional, even if he didn't realise it himself. But for Bruce Banner extra emotions could be the line between life and death.

"MORNING ALL," came a booming voice from the other room. It was Thor, and _he _was already up and fully dressed. Well, except for his bunny slippers. "I say, what a beautiful day! What have we planned?"

"Erm, I'm not sure," said Clint, as he prepared a pot of coffee. Bruce had sufficiently calmed down now and he and Natasha were looking under the rug and other various places in case the missing cookies were there.

"Say, isn't it MOTHER'S DAY?" said Thor excitedly. "Why I almost forgot!" Natasha winced, hoping against all hopes that he _had _forgotten. She looked over at Bruce but the statement seemed to have no effect on him.

In fact, now that she thought about it, she and Thor were possibly the only ones in the house who still had their mothers. Bruce's had been murdered when he was a child, Steve's was long gone, and Clint's had passed away tragically in a car accident. Now that she thought about it, perhaps this day was best not mentioned at all.

"Um, Thor, could I have a word with you about…Asgardian pottery…in…the other room?" She said. Thor gave her a very funny look. "Please?"

"Alright. But hurry, I must make it to Asgard and back in time for lunch. Need to bring flowers for my mother. She loves them. Can't get enough of them."

That was it. Natasha grabbed Thor's arm and tugged him away from the others.

"Listen, Thor, can you PLEASE stop bringing up Mother's Day? It's a bit of a hard topic in this house, I think."

"Why ever not?" said Thor.

"Because," she said, with gritted teeth "Bruce's mom…is dead. And so is Steve's. And Clint's."

"Oh," said Thor.

"Yeah. And Bruce nearly just unleashed the _other guy, _so I'd suggest we avoid the topic altogether."

"Alright," Thor agreed. "What do you say we do instead?" Natasha didn't answer, because she had no idea.

"I think we should call Tony," she finally said. "He'd know what to do."

* * *

"I still don't understand," said Bruce, "why I'm dressed like a mexican Mariachi." He was having trouble keeping his mustache glued on and was beginning to find this, even by Tony's standards, a bit over the top. They were all dressed up in various costumes and in a limo that Tony sent over, headed to his place.

Clint was in a bunny suit, and he didn't look exactly happy either. Natasha was the statue of liberty, Thor was dressed like a gangster in a suit and tie (hair slicked back), and Steve was in a chef suit and hat. For reasons unbeknownst to any but Tony, these were the costumes they had delivered, and Tony had assured them that it would be explained all in good time.

"Beats me," said Steve. "But I can't complain, not with this," he said, pointing to the well-stocked mini bar. He had already made his way through several mini tequilas, despite requests from the rest of the gang to take it easy.

Clint had to be helped out of the car (the bunny ears were heavier than they looked), and Thor all but stepped on Natasha's green wrap of a dress.

"Hey, watch it!" she said, pulling up her skirts.

"She'll be the statue of nudity if you're not careful!" said Steve, nearly stumbling out of the limo, his chef hat askew. Natasha gave him a cold glare. Clint sniggered.

"Someone's had one too many mini-bottles," Bruce quipped.

Natasha tried calling Tony to let him know they had arrived, but she was getting no answer. Still nothing as they were in the elevator going up to his suite. It wasn't like Tony to not answer calls.

As the elevator doors opened they were greeted by a peculiar scene. In fact, they weren't greeted by anyone at all. It looked like someone had left the room in mid-decoration. There were balloons strewn on the floor, banners that were half hung and read HAPPY (the rest was obscured), and even a disco ball that was idly rotating on its own.

"Tony?" Clint called out. "Potts?"

"Looks like there's no one here," said Natasha.

"Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious!" said Steve. "And I," he continued, swaying from side to side, "am CAPTAIN AMERICA!" Steve tripped over his own feet and landed on the floor with a thud. The others eyed him quizzically. He appeared to be snoring.

"Who knew that three mini bottles of tequila could knock a guy out like that," said Bruce, stepping over Steve's body.

Then, out of the corner of the room, they heard a muffled sound.

"It's coming from behind the bar," said Thor. They approached it with caution, in case it was one of Tony's infamous Tabasco sauce pranks.

"Careful," said Bruce. "Remember the Tabasco Fiasco of '09."

"Exactly what I was thinking," said Natasha. But as they approached the muffled sounds were less like any prank and more like the sounds of a person. "Oh my god, someone's back there," she said, and ran up to the counter.

It was a giant piñata donkey. And it was shaking.

"Well I'll be…" said Clint. "There's someone in there!" He tried to break open the piñata but this was a bit tricky to do in a full bunny suit, paws an all. "Bruce could you give me a hand? I've only got a paw."

Bruce Banner ran over to help, and in no time they had the thing cracked open to reveal-

"Pepper?" they said in unison.

It was Pepper Potts, bound and gagged. Bruce removed the tape around her mouth.

"What in the world?" he said.

"It's Loki," she said, clearly peeved. "He's got Tony."

"Where?"

"Up top."

"Should've known!" said Thor in a sudden rage.

Bruce untied Pepper Potts and the five of them ran out and up the remaining stairs to the top of the tower.

* * *

"Oh Loki. Loki, Loki, Loki," said Tony. "Why didn't you just tell us? I'm sure we would've helped. Shopping for women can be _such _a drag, I know." He rolled his eyes mockingly, but got a cold glare from Pepper and stopped.

Now it was Loki who was tied up to a chair lest he make another leap for the heavens. At least they were going to get an explanation out of him.

"You? Help me?" Loki sniffed, still in tears. "You lot never help. All you do is shoot down my dreams! 'Don't do this Loki! Don't do that Loki! Don't take over the world, we'll stop you, Loki!' Always this and always that!"

"Yes, but," said Bruce, "can't you tell the difference between wanting to destroy planet earth and everything in it and _stealing some cookies_? What are you? High?"

Clint couldn't stifle a chuckle.

"And you hold Tony hostage so you can put the blame on him?"

"Bruce, I love you dearly, but you _know _I'd never put my hand in your cookie jar," said Tony with a wink.

"Yes. I know. It's alright," said Bruce. "But Loki, all I wanna know is…_why?_"

"Because of him!" said Loki, pointing at Thor and choking back sobs. "He was always mother's favourite! I wanted to be favourite, just for once! I stole your cookies and sent them to her, but what does she say? 'Oh, look at the flowers your brother gave me aren't they just wonderful?' I do all I can and she's STILL besotted with you, brother!" Loki was in hysterics at this point, and even Thor felt guilty.

"You know full well mother loves you just as well as she loves me!"

"No she doesn't!"

"Yes she does!"

"No she doesn't!"

"Yes, she does!"

"Nyah nyah nyah nyah!"

"OKAY OKAY," Tony cut in. "This is getting REE-DIC-ULOUS. Thor, Loki, I love you both dearly, but, WHO THE BLIP CARES? She loves you both, I'm sure."

He got up on a chair that had been used for putting up the decorations, and held one of the banners up. It said "HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!".

"Do you guys see this?" said Tony. "I made this for you. So instead of focusing on mothers that may or may not be there for us, in one way or another, we could focus on us! Because we're here, and we have each other! And oh dear god I am so sorry for getting all soppy on you guys but dammit Loki you've left me no choice. So yeah, happy friendship day, because that's what matters to me most, you guys. And I think we should celebrate that." He hopped down from the chair and retrieved a champagne bottle from the bar. "So what do you guys say?"

"I don't know what to say," said Natasha. She looked over at Bruce, at Clint, and at Thor. Even Loki looked touched.

"I say we untie Loki?" said Bruce. "I forgive him, and trust he will behave accordingly. Won't you Loki?"

Loki nodded.

"Well, now that that's sorted," said Clint, "would you please in the name of God almighty tell me, WHY am I dressed like a rabbit on LSD?"

"Yeah," said Natasha, "what is _with _these outfits?"

Tony laughed. "Nothing," he said, "you all just look so freaking ridiculous!" He was laughing his ass off but the others were far from amused. "Now, who wants to get this party started?" He said, as he pressed play on the stereo and Get This Party Started by Pink started. (that's three starteds in one sentence).

They played pin the tail on the donkey, and they put the piñata back together again only to smash it open, and they all danced, including Loki, until one by one they fell on the various sofas and passed out to sleep.

* * *

The party didn't die down until the early hours of the morning. That was finally when Steve started to come to his senses.

"Did I miss anything?" he said, rubbing his head and peeling himself off the floor, chef hat still on.

He saw Loki tiptoeing past in a sombrero. As he turned to leave, Loki looked at Steve and whispered, "remember, this _never _happened."

"OK," Steve mumbled to himself, and went back to sleep.


End file.
